A quote by Heraclitus speaks depths to my soul: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man.”
Changing requires adjustment because there’s a chance you aren’t quite used to the person you have become.
I read somewhere that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to become the versions other people have of us in their minds. People tend to idealise their family, friends, and acquaintances—setting expectations (mostly unsaid) about how they should think, act, and feel. When we sense people's expectations, we become pressured to be who they want us to be, especially if we don’t want to disappoint them.
We tend to conform to who others think we should be instead of being who we truly are. We adapt, change, and for the most part, shrink out of our true selves.
This pandemic and subsequent lockdown guided me into the space of finding out who I really am. If people have found me different from who I was before, they are right. If they think I have become someone else, I beg to disagree. I think this time alone has forced me to think of who I am, has brought me closer to my more authentic self than the one I try to be so I don’t disappoint others. This is Me, a song from The Greatest Showman, puts it so perfectly:
“We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun…”
The thing about discovering our true selves is that we can be so excited about it. We burst through the barricades, eager to do life based on this newfound understanding of ourselves that we forget to enjoy the very person we have become. In our haste to make up for the lost time, we forget to look at the little hidden cracks of our being, to slow down and enjoy, to make time for ourselves.
I keep talking about slow living and finding that little pocket of serenity in your life no matter where you are because everything about that is the complete opposite of my life a few years ago. And this is my battle cry to those who have lives where things are rushing too fast past them, where it feels too difficult to breathe, where you are getting whiplash from everything happening.
Slow down.
Take time to be with yourself. Pay attention to what you do, how you feel, who you are. Explore those nooks and crannies, every crack, every crevice of your being. You won’t go back to being the same person you are. As human beings, we always change, always evolve, always move down life’s river, and never cross the same stream twice or see a stone the second time. And that is why you need to enjoy who you are today because who you are tomorrow, with your experiences, thoughts, and feelings might be a different version of you.
Finding my serenity this week means:
1. Accepting that this month’s schedule doesn’t look like my usual schedule. My grandmother and aunts are over for a visit which means visiting relatives, attending reunions, accompanying their shopping, and so on. It also means I can’t do the things I usually do: research and usual writing projects other than those with deadlines for clients, tennis lessons, language studies, etc. But this month is all about rediscovering them, hearing their stories, meeting new relatives, and finding kindred spirits among them.
2. Taking time to enjoy what I love. Recently, I discovered King of Mask Singer, a singing competition in South Korea. To say I am obsessed with it is an understatement. I get this huge goofy smile on my face while watching it. What makes it different from other singing competitions is that this one is just about the competitors' voices. It doesn’t matter if they have vocal training or none at all. I used to be a singer—the past tense is another story for another time—so I enjoy hearing people who sing well, and this show allows me to settle in for some me-time despite my busy schedule.
3. Realising I’ll need more cups of coffee to get me through some days. I used to drink a cup of coffee once or twice a week, but because of my busy schedule, I find myself drinking coffee almost every day. And sometimes, even twice a day. But, hey, it tastes delicious, okay?